Logo of the Inventors Association of St. Louis

Inventors Connection
Inventors Association
of Saint Louis

Logo of the Inventors Association of St. Louis

United States Patent and Trademark Resource Center (PTRC)
St. Louis Public Library
1301 Olive Street
Saint Louis, Missouri 63103-2325
Tel: 314-241-2288
Fax: 314-241-3840
Contact: Ms Spruce Fraser
E-mail Address: sfraser@slpl.org
Web Page: www.slpl.org

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$$$ - Success - You Will Have Earned It :-)
- -- -- "You'll have noticed that I ramble along, telling my tale in order to make my point." -- -- Yes, Inventing can be your fun hobby -- where you won't have to be so serious that you'll think:

"This is the idea that will make me my greater fortune!"

-- Far be it for me to tell you otherwise: --> "Relax, do what you have read within these IASL pages and you will get there in due time." -- The moral of Aesop's Fable of the Tortoise and the Hare is: "Slow and steady wins the race."

--> "Keep persevering and your day will come." --> >>

Go to: --> >"From Patent to Profit"

-- "Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you'll be able to see farther." -- J. P. Morgan --
-- John Pierpont Morgan (April 17, 1837 – March 31, 1913) was an American financier, banker and art collector who dominated corporate finance and industrial consolidation during his time.

-- How to make something invisible --

$$$ "Those who respond to the customers needs are going to make money." $$$

-- -- You'll have noticed that I ramble along, telling my tale in order to make my point. This time, I will tell you a favorite story told to me by the late "Bobby" Toole, our first IASL Director: -- --> It was during the time of the French Revolution. -- Three hapless prisoners were to be executed by guillotine that day in the public square. The first was a saintly priest: "How would you like your head to be chopped off, Father?" said the hooded exocutioner. -- "With my body lying supine and my eyes seeing my Lord," the priest sighed. -- When the blade came down and stopped an inch from the priest's throat the melee of people arose and shouted, "It's a Miracle! It's a Sign, a Miracle! Free the Father!" And this was done. -- -- The second man was a no good villain, a thief, a mass murderer..and he chose to have his head lopped off while facing downward, -- for that was the direction he was headed. And again the blade stuck, stopped an inch short of his neck. "It's a miracle! It's another #*@!+% miracle? Free Him!!" shouted the masses!! -- -- The third victim was an Inventor, (you knew that ;-)) "She" chose to have her blonde head facing skyward. -- As the executioner was about to release the dreaded blade, she looked to the top of the guillotine and shouted out, "Stop, Stop!! I see your problem!! -- The rope is knotted!!" :-))

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- A Dumb Blonde Joke -

Albert Einstine, Pablo Picasso, and Paris Hilton, by some time warp, are at the Pearly Gates of Heaven at the same time. --
Saint Peter is there to admit them through the Pearly Gates...

"Before I let you in, I have to know whether you are who you say you are? I cannot just let anybody through."

Albert Einstein says, "I can prove who I am, do you have writing paper and a pencil?"

"Of course I do, in Heaven we have everything." and he proceeds to hand him paper and pencil.

Einstine quickly writes out formulas to physical equations that only a great Physicist would know.

Saint Peter says, "Yes, you are THE FAMOUS ALBERT EINSTEIN, walk on through."

Pablo Picasso says, "Give me chalk and a chalkboard, and I will draw for you."

Saint Perer produces the chalk and chalkboard and with that, Pablo Picasso draws like only he could do on that chalkboard.

"Wonderful, wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "You are THE FAMOUS PABLO PICASSO.. You can go through."

"And you,.. can you prove who you are? That you are 'THE' PARIS HILTON; as famous as Albert Einstine and Pablo Picasso?"

"Who? Who are they?!!" she says, bewildered..?

Saint Peters says, with astonishment, "Go through. You've proven it!"

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-- -- Thought of the day --

-- "The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong, it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair." --
-- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

-- Trick Pool Shots --

-- "Invention Success Rates | Odds of Inventor Success" --

:-( :-( :-( :-( :-( "70% fail - 7 out of 10 new products fail.

-- “Nearly seven out of 10 new products fail either because no market really existed in the first place.” -- (Gary Miller, president and founder of Aragon Consulting Group, St. Louis, Missouri"

-- -- There are three rules for success...
1) Never tell every-thing you know.
2) Keep your mouth shut and know when to open it. :-#
3) Be re-source-ful and adapt-ive with your sur-round-ings. -- R.S.
-- "How to Investigate and Evaluate a Resource" --

-----> -- "Making It Big as an Inventor" - How to Make Money from Inventions ---> >

-- -- There are three rules for success...and one possibility for you to live longer..

1) Never tell everything you know.

2) Keep your mouth shut and know when to open it. :-#

3) Be resourceful and adaptive with your surroundings.-- R.S.

4) "Always look both ways when crossing a one-way street; there may be a car backing up."
-- Robert Scheinkman


-- LOL (Lots of Luck) -- The backing up on a one-way street: Answering the Questions <--> Questioning the Answers

-- LOL (Lots of Laughs) -- Do you see your own failings? --
--> You definitely need a hobby. ;-) Make it inventing.

-- "PatentHunter - Patent Downloading Software"

-- -- "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." --
-- -- Napoleon Bonapart

-- -- "Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's mouth and remove all doubt." -- Samuel Johnson

-- "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." -- Abraham Lincoln

-- "Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm." -- Abraham Lincoln

-- -- Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

-- -- Thought of the day --

-- “Do you know the difference between education and experience?
-- Education is when you read the fine print;
-- experience is what you get when you don’t.”

~ Pete Seeger
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"Intellectual Property Owners Association"

-- -- -- "SLU Entrepreneurship Program One of the Best in Nation, According to Entrepreneur Magazine"

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-- "Downtown St. Louis" -- :: -- "The St. Louis Blues" --
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A new series from the NINE NETWORK OF PUBLIC MEDIA explores the latest
scientific developments, research, innovations and inventions in St. Louis and
around the world. Science Matters airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. Each 30-minute
episode features a locally based science story, as well as pieces produced by other
major-market PBS stations. Upcoming shows will feature St. Louis and the 1918 flu
epidemic, and the ongoing efforts to save the endangered Ozark hellbender salamander.

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-- "The illiterate of the future will not be the person who cannot read. It will be the person who does not know how to learn." -- Alvin Toffler

Just Because You Couldn't Doesn't Mean You Can't
By Walt Grassl

Early in Karl's career, he had no problem accepting a technical promotion from junior technician to senior technician. When asked to be a supervisor, self-doubt became his constant companion. He agonized over the decision for days. He had trouble sleeping at night and concentrating on even the simplest tasks. Finally, with the support of his family and co-workers, he reluctantly took the promotion. Five years later, he has been asked to apply for the department manager position, where he will have to manage a hundred employees, including other supervisors. Self-doubt has returned, and he is extremely anxious about the unknowns associated with the increase in responsibility. He has a week to apply for the job and is dreading more sleepless nights.

Most of us don't like change. We like to be comfortable. We like to play things safe. We avoid risk. We put ourselves in safe little boxes and then we miss out on opportunities for growth and advancement, both personally and professionally.

It is said we spend 70% of our time in our comfort zone, when we should really spend 80% of our time in our uncomfortable zone. Where do you spend your time?

Getting out of your comfort zone is a lot like exercising muscles that have atrophied. As babies, we learn to stand by trying to stand up and then falling down, over and over until we succeed. The same thing happens when we learn to walk. Around the time we learn to ride a bike, things change. We want to enjoy that the mobility of bike riding but we fear
falling and looking bad in front of our family, neighbors and friends. Usually, with the encouragement of a family member or friend, we overcome the fear – and we learn to ride a bike.

However, as we get older, we often find it easier to say "I can't do it" than to try to learn a new skill or take on a new challenge. We tend to stay in our comfort zones and our "step-outside-the-comfort-zone" muscles atrophy.

Karl decided to seek the advice of Sydney, a former supervisor and mentor. Throughout her career, Sydney has moved around within the company, taking challenging assignments and growing in value to the company. The company rewards her risk taking and she is now a division manager. Sydney talked to Karl about the importance of stretching yourself, of being uncomfortable, of testing your limits.

Sydney gave Karl these five steps to exercise the "step-outside-the-comfort-zone" muscles.

1. Vary your routines
One sign of being comfortable is sameness, doing the same thing over and over. Do you take the same route to work every day? Do you find yourself eating in the same restaurants, even ordering the same meals? What would happen if you didn't go to the same place, or if you didn't have "the usual"? Consciously decide to do something different. Break out of your routines. It will probably feel very uncomfortable at first – Great! Experience the newness. Over time, it will feel less and less uncomfortable. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

2. Try new hobbies
Ever thought about being a magician? Playing the ukulele? Knitting? Performing standup comedy?

Make a list of 20 things you think would be fun to try, then pick one. Find a class through your local continuing education, YMCA or parks and recreation department. Sign up, attend the first class and go in with the idea that you will have fun. If you are really bad at it, so what? At least you tried. Now, try another activity on your list! Chances are, you will have
fun, develop new skills and you'll likely make new friends.

3. Try new things at work
Is your first response when the boss asks for volunteers to avoid eye contact, shrink down in your chair and try to make yourself really, really, really small?

Often times, your organization will be asked to provide people to participate in focus groups or special committees, for example for an open house or for planning a holiday party. Seek out lateral work assignments and volunteer yourself. Make your manager know you are happy to fill those roles that, in the past, you and most of your co-workers probably shunned.

4. Say yes
If your natural inclination is to say No to new opportunities, change your mindset. The more you say Yes to new opportunities, the broader your experiences will be and the less afraid of new things you will become. Want badly to say Yes and set a high threshold for saying No. Use this new mindset at home and at work.

5. Get back up
Falling down is not failing. We often hear, "it is better to try and fail than to fail to try". Inventors rarely create their inventions the first time. They try, observe the results, and then try it differently. They repeat it until they get the results they desire. Another saying we often hear is, ‘the only person who doesn't make mistakes is the one that doesn't do anything'.

When you try new things and they don't flow smoothly, don't be discouraged. There are often bumps in the road. What is important is how you handle the bumps in the road. Do you know when to ask for help? Do you figure out what happened and then provide corrective action, so the same problem won't occur again? Each time you go through a learning experience, you become more seasoned and more confident when facing future challenges.

Just Because You Couldn't Doesn't Mean You Can't

When you stay in your comfort zone all the time, you will feel unfulfilled, like you aren't getting everything you want out of life. By taking steps in your personal and professional lives to get comfortable being uncomfortable, you will open yourself up to new, challenging opportunities. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Just because you couldn't do
something before, doesn't mean you can't do it now.

Karl now knows many places to go for dinner, plays the ukulele for friends at parties and, in his second year as a department manager, is gaining more confidence in his leadership ability.

About the Author:
Walt Grassl conquered his crippling fear of public speaking at the age of 50, and through his Internet radio show, "Stand Up and Speak Up," he is determined to help others do the same. Walt's accomplishments include success in Toastmasters International speech contests, performing standup comedy at the Hollywood Improv and and the Flamingo in Las Vegas. He is also the author of the book "Stand Up and Speak Up". For more information on Walt Grassl, please visit http://waltgrassl.com/

-- "Monthly Frugal Fun Tips" --

Subject: Test For Dementia

-- Test For Dementia - Lets see how you do!

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can 't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are....
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
You're not very good at this, are you?
Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only, Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total? Scroll down for answer.....
Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100. If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right.. .Maybe.
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and! the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
He just has to open his mouth and ask.. It's really very simple.... Like you!

-- Guidance Counselor: "Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
-- Student: "In a mirror...duh."

-- Who could have believed it? At our class reunion the very dumbest of our graduating class, Sammy, came, escorting a ravishing beauty covered with diamonds, and Sammy, equally sporting a large man-sized diamond ring. A crowd gathered 'round. -- "Sammy, you obviously have done well for yourself, how did you possibly do it?" -- "It's ben kinda easy fer me. I finds sumthin' fer about a tousan' bucks ani sells it fer tree-tousan' -- an I figgurs two-percent is about enuff profit!" :-))


------> > Texting for Seniors

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a
STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CGU: Can't get up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWOA: Lawrence Welk's On (Again)
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry Gas.
ROFL... Rolling On The Floor Laughing...
And CGU: Can't Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI: (Gotta Go Laxative Kicking In)

Please pass this on to your children and grandchildren so they can understand your texts.


A little mental exercise for fun. -->
Remove six letters from the line above for a surprise answer. All letters will remain in the same sequence -- just take out six letters. Don't rearange anything. It's really quite simple! -- Prepared by Phil Curry for Illinois Innovators & Inventors

[your answer: take away s-i-x l-e-t-t-e-r-s]
-- -- ilinventor.tripod.com -- --
It bereaves me to inform the Inventor community that a long time President and Leader of the Illinois Inventors and Entrepreneurs Association has passed away.

Phil Mckay Curry EDWARDSVILLE May 21, 2010 10:18 PM

Phil Mckay Curry, 79, died Sunday, May 16, 2010 at his residence. Visitation will be from 5 until time of a memorial service at 6:30 p.m. Wednesday, May 26, at Weber & Rodney Funeral Home. Memorials: Hospice of Southern Illinois. Condolences online at weberfuneralhome.com.

--> "Inventing Modern America: Games" --

--> "Patent Information Users Group - PIUG" --

-- Today, without the UCC Bar Code label, almost nothing moves. Period.

-- -- "No tickee, no washee." -- --

-- Many many years ago, when there were Chinese laundrys and no wash-and-wear clothes available or thought of, people would drop off their full hamper of dirty clothes and linins [there] to pick-up in the next day or two. They came back hand-washed, dried, cleaned/starched and pressed, ready to put on, use and wear. Those were the labor intensive days of pleated dresses and starched collars.
-- The only requirement other than paying for your laundry was your 'claim ticket.' -- There was no fooling the Chinaman. "No tickee, no washee." You, my friend, couldn't mistakenly pick up someone elses clean laundry.

-- It's another prominent expense that inventors should be mindful of and pay the going fee of $500.00 or more to obtain.

-- Today, without the UCC Bar Code label, almost nothing moves. Period.

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On the other hand:
.. The clerk asks, "What's your Last Name" ... "Spell it!" ... "And your Address?" -- --> "O.K. .. the computer's got it!!"
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-----------------> >
----------> "The Bar Code Lady News --

--> "Price Marking Applications labels, ink rollers,label guns | Barcode Lady" --
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To: president@inventorsconnection.org
From: Linda Anderson
Subject: Discount on Bar Codes for Inventors
Date: Monday, February 20, 2012 6:18 PM

Dear Robert,

I am a fellow inventor and 15-year member and current board member of the Inventors Association of Arizona. www.AZInventors.org.

As you know, UPC bar codes are required if you want to sell a product in retail channels and internet channels like Amazon and other websites. An inventor has two choices to obtain a bar code. One is to pay $750.00 to join the GS-1 in addition to paying an initial fee and an annual renewal fee for each bar code number. The other choice is to purchase the bar codes from a reseller such as my company, GotBarCodes.com, for a one-time fee of as little as $8.49 per bar code.

I offer a 10% discount to any of your members purchasing UPC bar codes. I also offer a referral fee to your organization for adding a www.GotBarCodes.com link to your website.

Here is a link to my website www.GotBarCodes.com.

Please call or email for more information. I look forward to helping your inventors chapter and its members.

Kind Regards,


Linda Anderson
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This may be useful to know when grocery shopping, if it's a concern to you..

Almost the whole world is afraid of China-made "black hearted goods".

Can you differentiate which goods are made in TAIWAN or CHINA?

If the first 3 digits of the barcode are 690, 691 or 692, the product is MADE IN CHINA.

471 is Made in TAIWAN.

People, this is our right to know, but our government and related departments never educate the public, therefore we have to RESCUE ourselves.

Nowadays, Chinese businessmen know that consumers do not prefer products "MADE IN CHINA", so they don't show from which country it is made.

However, you may now refer to the barcode.. Remember, if the first 3 digits are: 690-692 ... then it is MADE IN CHINA, 00 - 09 ... USA & CANADA, 30 - 37 ... FRANCE, 40 - 44 ... GERMANY, 47 ........ TAIWAN, 49 ........ JAPAN, 50 ........ UK, UNITED KINGDOM

BUY USA & CANADIAN MADE by watching for "0" at the beginning of the number. We need every boost we can
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------> > --------------------------------------------------------------------------------> >

-- Think About It!

* Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.

* Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.

* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

* Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.

* Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.

* The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

* When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.

* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

* The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.

* Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

* A closed mouth gathers no feet.

* A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

* A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday with a television on the blink.

* The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.

* Money isn't everything....there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.

----> > "OCEAN TOMO" --

-- Remember: "It's 'Who You Know' as well as 'What You Know' in this world that can make you richer." Come and mingle with the Members of the Inventors Association of St. Louis at their regularely scheduled Monthly Meetings. -- You'll take home a headfull of inventive ideas.

-- The Inventor --

-- "Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only at night." -- Edgar Allen Poe

-- Jules Verne is considered the father of Science Fiction. --

-- Go to:
-- "INVENTURE PLACE (National Inventors Hall of Fame)"
-- Take a day to visit the St. Louis Science Center. -- You should take some time to visit science museums to see what they have grown to today. -- "Saint Louis Science Center"

-- "Innovate St. Louis" --
-- "Contact Us - Innovate St. Louis" --

-- IASL in
Saint Louis, Missouri: The Gateway to the West -- THIS IS WHERE IT'S AT! Missouri:
The 'Show Me' State

-- "Origin of "Show-Me" Slogan" --
-- You can travel either south or north and enter Missouri from the eight states that surround it: -- From Kentucky, Tennessee, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, and even from Arkansas at the bootheel of Missouri.

O.K., wiseguy.. how do you go north from Iowa into Missouri? -- Answer: You send Frank & Mike here from American Pickers.

-- Missouri has six times as many trees as the combined eight states surrounding it.
-- And that the City of Saint Louis is not in St. Louis County. - (It's still trying to find out where it belongs?
Maybe, with East St. Louis, Illinois? ;-)

-- -- Thought of the day --
-- "It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."--
Albert Einstein, 1879-1955, Physicist
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-- -- eBay Guides - Mathew Lesko's Government Grant Guides

-- -- And if you have a Great Idea that involves plastics, this is the book for you? It answers the questions that every inventor has when it comes to dealing with the plastics industry - including where to begin, how to get a good part design, how to find a moldmaker; marketing tips and the best advice from some of the best and most successful inventors in the arena of plastic products. Send for this easy to read book called, "So, You Think You Have A Great Idea!" by Clare I. Goldsberry. Only $6.95, plus $2.50 postage. -- Post to: --> Pro-Write Communications, 4401 East Willow Avenue, Phoenix, Arizona 85032 --

--> > Entreprenuers Tap Free Business Resources

-- New entrepreneurs and established business owners alike are tapping a wide array of free services to reduce costs, help with cash flow, and keep their business open during the economic downturn. Many small business support organizations like SCORE-Counselors to America's Small Business who provide free or low cost business counseling and support. There are a growing number of websites and online services supplying enterprising business owners with free business supplies including office furniture, retail fixtures and tech equipment. For example, the Freecycle Network lets individuals advertise and give away items they no longer want or need for free. Like Craigslist, with its “free” category, Freecycle is one of several no-cost channels entrepreneurs can use for sourcing) equipment, furniture, materials, supplies and tools. Freecycle is especially good for computer gear.


-- Rich Freese is a very knowledgeable member of our IASL team. He wants to help you as I do. -- I wrote him an e-mail about a website that I found which had to do with prototyping and what that company charges. -- Rich knows that he can do it much better and much cheaper: -->

--> "I have no less than 30 shops that can do prototype work. I can have plastic machined by these 30 shops. I can get it steriolithographed by 2 shops and can know of 2 companies that do plastic with Formed Deposition. I have 12 shops that will do plastic molds when it gets past the Prototype stage. I can look at a project and see if stamping or machining would work better and be more cost efficient. Some shops work for $35/hr some are $30 and one down at Camdenton is at $25. This week I'm working with a man who attended your meeting. [04/20/02] - I enjoy helping people with their projects. ... Again I can't tell you how much you are helping me with my company by letting me do this. Every inventor I meet with I let them know how greateful they should be that you do this service and I encourage new inventors to come by and attend the meeting. Thanks. Rich Freese" --> --> Definitely talk to Rich @ --> arhctysv@netzero.net - (Rich Freese) ARCH CITY SERVICE - 314-638-1227 - 1-800-746-9550

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-- -- And since you would prefer to do your Virtual Prototyping locally, I will lead you to: Quality Welding, Inc. - 480 Brown Rd., St. Peters, MO 63376-1039 - Phone: --> 636-ARC-WELD (636-272-9353) and ask for Robert C. Cumings, President
Fax: 1-636-397-4250 - E-mail: -->
---------------------------------------------------------------------> >

-- Prototype Specialist --


Robert Scheinkman:
--> --> I just have to say a few words more :-) --> I was viewing on tv the life of Billy Wilder, a late-great Hollywood Writer - Director - Producer. There was a final quote that I will pass on - that could apply to me. [Although I don't consider myself great.] --> "I get mad when you don't take me serious. I get madder when you take me too seriously." --

(Factoid: Did you know that Professor Evil's father invented the question mark? <8-)) -- said by Austin Powers --
"The Spy Who Shagged Me"

-- "If you never grow up - you'll never grow old." -- Thomas Alva Edison --


Retirement Plan

-- -- Retire At The Holiday Inn! --

- As I was checking my 401(k) account and thinking about retirement, I saw an article about nursing and retirement homes.

-- Then it hit me. No nursing home for me! -- Here is my plan: I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.

-- With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.

-- For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service. It also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies. Plus, I'll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer and dryer. I'll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. And I'll be treated like a customer, not a patient.

-- Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling.

-- There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.

-- The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp.

-- Ride the church bus free on Sundays.

-- For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.

-- While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. - Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up.

-- It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the other hand, Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever.

-- You can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

-- Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.

-- TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? - No problem. - They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.

-- The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance.

-- If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

-- And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool.

-- What more can you ask for?

-- When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with even more benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees.

-- Most standard rooms have coffee makers, reclining chairs, and satellite TV. All you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon.

-- After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day.

-- Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends.

-- Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free program.

-- You can invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.

-- Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep you company as well. If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, you'll always feel at home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding your room - Your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.

-- Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out the feasibility of my plan. I'm happy to report that they were positively giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even offered to negotiate the rate. We could have easily knocked them down to $40 a night!

-- So, when I reach the golden age, I'll face it with a grin.

-- Just forward all your emails (for me) to the Holiday Inn!

-- -- Thought of the day

-- "There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it." -- Mary Wilson Little

-- "Hotels offer guests the latest technology tools - International Herald Tribune" --